Not many people know this, but I used to work for a network of online dating sites. Before apps came into existence, I was customer service for some pretty interesting sites. I have plenty of stories to share for another time, but after I was let go- I refused to online date. UNTIL I realized I was dating people, that just weren’t right for me and basically treated me like nothing.
Why should I put up with that when I could online date?Instead of spending time with losers, I could be treated the right way and enjoy some company that also appreciates mine. I knew things had changed in the industry. I went on a few great dates, and couple really bad ones. I didn’t expect to go on there to find a relationship, that was just silly to me. Who finds someone on those things? I found myself getting attached to my first date and got really bad signals, but we only saw each other that one time lol. The feeling of rejection was there and it sucked. Thankfully, it didn’t stop me from dating some more. A month after online dating, I went on a date with Michael in July of 2015, and haven’t turn back. We’ve been together since, own a home, and have cat children (so far).
So…. it IS possible to find that someone. But with Valentine’s Day around the corner, if you ARE just looking to date. Here are some tips I came across from Cosmo, that I wish I would have known before.
- Be on ONE app -If you’re on many of them, it can get really confusing , and it could be a turn off too if people ask you. And I mean, you can’t lie- if they’re on more than one, and in your city- they’ll find you. Focus on ONE app.
- Quality over quantity – So you notice you swiped ALOT, if you’re serious about dating and trying to find someone, just swiping won’t do it, gather your interests and wants and check out theirs. Basically, don’t just swipe for looks.
- Don’t get attached early – OK I was pretty desperate in finding someone to spend time with, so it happens. I’m guilty of it. Just because you’ve been on a couple of dates and have become intimate, in this day in age, that doesn’t mean you’re a couple. And if you are- you’ll have that conversation and know. But don’t keep staring at your phone or stalking his/her social media.
- Have your standards – If looks are your thing, and you just want to date around and not want something serious , make it known. But if you’re not into tattoos, just put that in your profile. Personally, my standards were ” I don’t want a smoker, and or anyone with children”. I’ve dated people with children before, and I honestly got more attached to them, than the person. It really sucked after the break up. Some people can frown on you’re standards, and that’s OK! They aren’t who you’re dating 🙂
- Be straight up- The last thing anyone wants is to be dragged around and strung along for a ride they didn’t ask for. So just being honest is the best policy. If you are dating other people, say so. If you aren’t looking for a serious relationship-say so. Don’t postpone dates if you are not interested. Simply tell that person. Women often wonder why men just can’t be honest. Seriously, telling us you’re just not into us will hurt us less than your lying. Goes for women too.
- Be yourself– Be genuine. It’s hard to let our guards down when we’ve been hurt before. BUT we are on the sites because we want to bring that wall down, and are willing to. You said ‘yes’ to a date, try to be a bit open. But I was nervous and talked WAY too much on my first date off the site. No wonder I never got a second date. LOL.
- Fun and flirty – That’s how dates should be. If you want to explore go for it. But leave the other person wanting more.To secure another date. Don’t dish out more information than necessary, they don’t need to know your whole life at one dinner.
- Stop the swiping – Many people I know swipe ALL THE TIME. Take a break. I literally checked my app each evening. Make time for yourself and give yourself something to do. But don’t do it each time you get a chance. It’s a bit addicting, and you won’t be able to keep track or focus on what you’ve got in front of you, especially if you’re already interested in someone you’ve dated.
- Don’t get a ‘I can find better’ mindset – We can’t change each other. Therefore, if you go on a date with someone and there are a few things you would need changed about them, just move on. If they ask, explain to them. But don’t just go on dates, and then say “hmm, maybe I can do better”. And maybe the person you went on a date with COULD be the better, and you just don’t know it. Be open minded.
- Don’t just have a online flirtfest – Our conversations are mysterious and fun, but go on the date. Date NEAR you. Don’t get attached to a penpal in Oregon. Meet the person, IN person.