10 Things A Native Floridian Hates About Orlando

Seriously...afternoon thunderstorms.

June 10, 2019

Getty Images

Hi. I'm CJ. Chances are you've never met me before, but if you are a native Floridian like I am, then perhaps we're more alike than different.

For instance, we both probably have lists of things we like and dislike about living in Florida and we've both most likely thought at one point in our lives, "I'M MOVING."

So, I decided to write a blog post about 10 things I REALLY hate about Orlando..

10. The Heat - It's SO hot. It's almost like I live somewhere close to the equator or something. What ever shall I do to beat the heat? It's not like there aren't pools, water parks, lakes, rivers, or the beaches nearby. 

9. Traffic - I HATE TRAFFIC. You know, traffic caused by people going to and from work on roads that are being upgraded to better improve the flow of traffic.

8. Tourists - They clog our roads, fill up our restaurants, crowd our theme parks, busy our airports and keep our taxes down! It's like...what if I want to pay higher taxes?! (Seriously though, thank you Brazilian and English tourists. You keep my taxes down.)

7. Restaurants galore - Seriously. Don't get hungry in Orlando. You'll spend way more time than you care to trying to figure out where to go eat! There are too many places to choose from! Can we just have a few boring restaurants? 

6. The Outlets - DON'T GO HERE. I mean, the amount of people that go to the outlets are insane! If you want parking go early. I'm talking like...go at 9am when they open early. I mean, the deals here are insanely good and I once got a jacket that was like $300 in a department store for $75. Not to mention there are outlets for literally every taste, but...they're busy...with tourists...who keep our taxes down. Oh the humanity!

5. Afternoon Thunderstorms - Ugh. Rain every single day from May to October. Basically when we need rain...we get it. WHY?! Sometimes I want to pay extra for an irrigation system to water my grass instead of  Mother Nature supplying me with an easy few inches of rain a week. 

4. Orlando International Airport - Have you been here?! TSA is SO long. I mean, the airport is pretty and I feel like I just got to my vacation...but seriously. Why is everything so nice?! You mean I have to arrive to the airport 2 hours early to board my completely full flight?! What an outrage! I want to arrive as late as possible and take my "carry on" that's oversized and not going to fit in the overhead bin and risk holding up the plane because of my poor planning. Did I mention the amount of destinations? Why so many?! And why are we making it bigger and more convienent to travel?! UGH. 

3. Downtown - Construction everywhere. New apartments here. New skyscraper there. New parking here. New dining options there. Why are we improving our downtown? I liked it the way it was...completely fine and considerably better than most cities our size. 

2. So many events - There is always something going on somewhere in Orlando. Why?! Can we just have a weekend where we close everything down and we all just aimlessly drive around town? Why do we always have to have festivals, concerts, sporting events, food truck rallys, political events, conventions, etc. Why is there always something fun happening?! 

1. Too many theme parks - This is THE WORST. So many theme parks and so many fun things to do. I always feel like I'm on vacation and I HATE IT! I want to feel stressed and not able to see fireworks every single night if I wanted to. Seriously, how many roller coasters do we need? They're THE WORST. It's almost as if this city is so happy all the time and always celebrating. BA HUM BUG.

So you see, I REALLY hate living here. Its hot and I have no relief. Theme parks are no fun. Our airport is too big with too many options and our downtown is just out of control.

(Seriously, this is a saracasm piece and if you didn't catch that by now you need to go back and reread. If you live here, I hope you love it as much as I do. If you're traveling here, I hope you enjoy your stay in the City Beautiful.)